i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
