RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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