I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
