He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
