I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
