ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize