I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Two words: blizzard sex
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
