Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
