all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
