My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
