The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
