were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
