I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
