im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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