6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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