dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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