Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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