hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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