"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and she was petting her beer can
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
