You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
