mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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