My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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