She announced her abortion via fbk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
