Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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