Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
