At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
