i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We got so high we made milksteak
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
