i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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