I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize