I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
