why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
