I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just google imaged poop.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
