Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
