I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
