This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
