A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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