I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
