y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
