I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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