I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
