Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
