I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
