You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just threw up on my dentist
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
