What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
