I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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