I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
