Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
