He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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