Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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