Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
