it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
