I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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