paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
