someone get that fucking seahorse.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
