There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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