my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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