So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
COCAINE IS GR8
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