i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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