"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
