May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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