did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
