and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
