Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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