Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
