got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
