that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
