i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
