I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He shit in the fireplace
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
