I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
