I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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