I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
