ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
