trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
