I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
