peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
