Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
True strength comes from lack of pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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