I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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