is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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