it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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