Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sex in a hospital.. check
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
