Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
