Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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