she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
