You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
