Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
