I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize