like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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