well you can't waste a boner
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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