If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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