Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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