I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
