Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize