He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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