There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hippo gnu deer
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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