My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
