Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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