I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
