I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Im just a social blackout drinker.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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