Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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