it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
