Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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