i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
